M6, 7 ;
I’m back in the States
from our eight-city tour
through India. Yes, it
expanded to eight instead of seven cities,
as we tacked on New Delhi in an unofficial
capacity at the end of the tour. From the
halfway point of the tour, I learned a lot
about both countries, gaining a special
place in my heart for the land of my forefathers (or one-father-and-one-mother).
EXPERIENCING INDIA
; India is shaped like a hand. Stretch
your left arm out in front of you and point
your fingers down with your thumb to the
right. That’s India. It works way better
than the hand map of Michigan. That
doesn’t capture the Upper Peninsula. I
think I knew this tour was going to go well
when, during our first show in Chennai, I
asked if anyone was here from the States
and a girl from Michigan was actually in
the crowd. That allowed me to set up this
joke. Amazing stroke of luck.
; India is free in a way the States isn’t.
This occurred to me when I saw a truck
flying down the highway, carrying huge
bales of hay and about 10 people sitting
atop said pile of hay. That truck would
make it about 50 yards in the US before
being pulled over and cited for about 50
health and safety violations. True, people
live within inches of death on a daily basis
in India, but at least they’re free.
; Kingfisher is a brand of airline and
beer. Not very confidence-inspiring when
you’re 30,000 feet in the air.
; Americans are amazingly isolated. In
India, the slums at times use a mansion as
their fourth wall. In America, if you have
money, you can avoid seeing poverty if you
so choose. In Cincinnati, you can live in
affluent Indian Hill, drive your Benz down
I-71, park in a garage, work at P&G and
turn around and come home without see-
ing the ghetto, which is blocks away (and
where my house is). And due to technolo-
gy like iPhones and iPods and iPads that
allow us to connect to the people with
whom we want to connect, we’re using
technology to further isolate ourselves. No
wonder those all start with an “I.”
; America is far less racist than most of
the rest of the world. Americans are very
generous with our time, for example, in
helping people who are new to this coun-
try with everything from directions to wel-
coming them into the fold. We could never
get away with some of the things that
other countries pull. In just about every
single cab or auto-rickshaw, I was told a
much higher price than the quote. And it’s
because I’m an American. They try to take
advantage of you in ways that folks in the
States wouldn’t dream of. At the Taj
Mahal, there are actually different prices
for citizens and foreigners. That’s
nuts. Granted, some of it harkens back to
what I just mentioned above — that in the
States, we have so many rules and regula-
tions that it forces people to obey the
law. Sure, that’s the cynical point-of-
view. But realize that laws reflect the val-
ues of a society. So, we can credit society or
blame the lawyers. And you know who the
lawyers are. The Jews.
‘WE ARE THE COURT JESTERS’
USA FROM INDIA
; What did I miss about the USA? Well, lots — it’s home. I miss things about
India… see above. But I did miss the fact that America is largely flat when it comes
to hierarchy. Sure, there are legacies and there’s corruption and all that jazz, but
it’s not a way of life like it is in many other nations. I missed our acceptance. And
the pizza.
Whilst we were strolling through a market in Kolkata, we happened upon this
amazing little bookstore where we spent almost two hours. I bought a book for my
tailor… as one does. He had told me about Sri Aurobindo, and since he was from
Kolkata, I found a souvenir for him. I also came across a book, Addicted to War. I
read half of it and want to buy it and finish it. It has made me reconsider a lot of
the conceptions I have about our country. I was already fairly moderate, but this
might change my paradigm. This reminds me of the scene in American History
X when the white supremacist said to Ed Norton’s character, ‘You made the fat kid
a little nervous. He thinks the joint messed with your mind.’
I’ll never forget Norton’s two-word response: ‘It did.’
Having said that, while US foreign policy may be roundly criticized, realize that
the Arab Spring came about due to inventions created in the USA… You Tube,
Twitter, Google, Apple, Facebook… these are American innovations and the rest of
the world can thank us (US) for ‘em.
; On a lighter note, I’m surprised Indians don’t grasp the fundamental concept of
the American military’s approach to the world: ‘Might Is Right.’ Do they pay any
attention to their own roads? A chicken moves out of the
way of a goat, which moves out of the way of a scooter,
which moves out of the way of an auto-rickshaw, which
moves out of the way of a car, which moves out of the way
of a bus…
M10 ;
From left, Azhar Usman, Rajiv
Satyal and Hari Kondabolu in
Chennai. Satyal says they played
court jesters on this tour — the
ones who could and did ‘whisper
messages of truth in the king’s
ear with immunity’
COURTES Y: UNI TED S TATES CONSULATE GENERAL, CHENNAI
